God is Here

Written by Heather Thornburg, MA (Clinician)

“The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:5b-6 ESV (italics added)

I could tell you that I love this verse, but I would be lying.  Mostly, I find this verse confusing – how in the world do I “not be anxious about anything?” Especially right now?  In 2021…that followed 2020?

Life in a fallen, broken world can easily produce anxiety, and this past year has really hit many of us hard.  Almost every single client that I see is experiencing anxiety symptoms to one degree or another.  And in truth, it impacts me as well.  Anxiety symptoms appear in different ways.  Physically, we can have muscle tension, nausea, hot or cold sweats, headaches, shortness of breath or tightness in our chest.  Emotionally, we can become easily irritated, easily startled, tearful, impatient.  Mentally, we can have difficulty focusing, become spacey, or have intrusive or racing thoughts.  This is not an exhaustive list, but whatever symptoms we experience can be difficult to live with.  So, what can we do?

Believe or not, managing anxiety can begin with some relatively simple steps.

1.      Breathe – Seems too simple, right?  But anxiety can cause us to hold our breath or breathe shallowly and rapidly, and this can make our symptoms worse.  Instead, take five minutes to do some deep breathing.  Breathe slowly in through your nose for a count of 4-6, hold your breath for a count of 4-6, then breathe slowly out through your mouth for a count of 6-8.  Repeat.  Deep breathing reverses the anxiety response and signals your brain to begin calming the body (from TherapistAid.com).

2.      Ground – Do you find yourself worrying about things that haven’t happened yet?  If your thoughts have a repeated refrain of “what if…” then you are.  The future hasn’t happened yet; it doesn’t exist.  The present moment is real, and grounding yourself in it will help you step back from the tyranny of your thoughts.  Look around you - what do you see?  What do you hear?  What do you smell, taste, feel?  Take it in slowly and deeply.  Describe your surroundings to yourself; notice your feelings.  Pause, and let yourself be present in the moment.  Breathe a thank you to God for something in your surroundings.  By the time you’ve done all this, the “what ifs” shouting in your brain will have quieted down and given you the space and the strength to choose your next thoughts, to speak the truth about who holds your future.

3.      Prayer – Do you ever get caught in a thought loop about things that worry you?  Racing thoughts or thinking about the same things over and over are frequent responses to anxiety.  These thoughts can also be some of the most difficult anxiety symptoms to address.  When you experience this, immediately turn your thoughts to prayer. Don’t necessarily try to change the content, just begin directing your thoughts to Jesus.  It looks something like this.  I think, “I have this blog to write, and it’s my first one.  What if people don’t like it and think it sounds dumb?  What if my colleagues don’t like it?  Will it be professional enough?  Is my writing up to par?” …and we’re off to the races.  Now switch to prayer.  “Jesus, I have this blog to write and it’s my first one.  God, what if people don’t like it and think it sounds dumb?”  …etc., etc.  In the first example, my thoughts are spinning inside of myself with nowhere to go, and I don’t have the power to do anything about them.  In the second example, I have directed my thoughts up and outside of myself to one who loves me and created me.  To one who has the power to encourage and direct me, and provide some objectivity. 

To return to our verse, yes, Paul tells us “do not be anxious about anything”, but before he does so, he reminds us that “the Lord is at hand.” God, himself, is the reason we have hope to overcome our anxiety. When you feel a tension headache coming on, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself, “God is here.” When you’re lying in bed and can’t stop thinking, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself “God is here.” When your irritated and don’t know why, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself, “God is here.” Whether you feel him or not, God is here!

Cultivating Gratitude

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC CMHIMP (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

"We’re a nation hungry for more joy: Because we’re starving from a lack of gratitude" — Brené Brown

Have you ever had a day where it seems that the world is against you and everything that could possibly go wrong has? If you were to step back and try to assess the day from an objective point of view, would that still be your conclusion? In our human nature, we tend to reflect on the negative, the frustrating, the disappointing. We wonder why we feel grumpy, angry, or irritable and often look for detailed, extravagant, sometimes expensive ways to help ourselves feel better. Yet the antidote to our lack of joy can often be found in the simple practice of gratitude. This practice of gratitude is one that is accessible to all yet rarely used in day-to-day life without intentionality.

Numerous studies have found gratitude to have significant positive impacts on anxiety, depressive symptoms, relationships, and physical health and well being. In their study, Wood et al had participants practice gratitude, which was defined as an orientation "towards noticing and appreciating the positive in the world.” In one portion of the study, they asked participants with high body dissatisfaction to spend each day practicing gratitude. By doing so 76% of the participants experienced a reduction in their body dissatisfaction compared to those who did not practice gratitude. Similarly, when studying those with high anxiety, participants who practiced gratitude were found to have a significant decrease in their worries (Wood, Froh & Geraghty, “Gratitude and Well-Being: A Review and Theoretical Integration,” Clinical Psychology Review). 

Martin Seligman, a professor of psychology, has found similar results in his research as well. In his studies he developed one practice called a "gratitude visit" in which one writes a letter of gratitude to someone who has made a difference in their life and then visits the person and reads the letter to them out loud. In doing so, Seligman found that the person writing the letter had lasting positive feelings and felt happier up to a month after the visit. 

Are there ways you can begin cultivating gratitude in your own life? Perhaps you can try Seligman’s exercise of a "gratitude visit." If this feels too uncomfortable, as an alternative you could consider writing a thank you note to someone you appreciate. Other ideas might be to end the day reflecting on three things to be grateful for, no matter how difficult the day was. Some find ways to break up their day to pause and gratefully reflect, such as "1,2,3,4" where at each hour you stop to identify a moment of gratitude. For those who pray, starting prayer with gratitude first can be a helpful way to reorient to a mindset of thankfulness rather than the frenzy of supplication we often approach prayer with. 

The ultimate goal in cultivating gratitude is for it to become second nature, a natural reflection throughout the day. Realizing that you are grateful for the sunlight even if the weather is cold, that you are thankful your spouse helped with dishes even if it’s not how you would do it, that you had a great hair day even if nobody else saw it. You may find that over time you have retrained your brain to become more aware of positive moments, however seemingly mundane they may be.

(Scriptures that may be helpful to orient towards a reminder of gratitude and thanksgiving: Psalm 100, Psalm 118: 24, Psalm 103:2-5, Philippians 4:6-7, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

The Importance of Friends

Written by Dan Brown, MA (Director of Operations, Senior Clinician)

As a follower of Christ, I don’t know what I would do without my Christian and non-Christian friends alike.  These are people with whom I can share small moments like a kid’s birthday or big moments like the passing of a family member.  I need them in my life to share these moments, but I also need them in my life to point out my weak spots and to pray for me and my family.  

God did not design us to be alone.  The first thing in the Garden that was “not good” was that Adam was by himself.  He was alone.  God remedied that by giving him a companion.  

We need companions.  We need friends.  We need family members.  We need people even if we don’t always think we do.  Now, not all friends and family are helpful, but that will be a topic we cover in a future post.

From our chair in the counseling offices at Harbor, we are always curious to find out what natural supports a client has around them as well as any supports are not helpful.  Who in their life is positive to their mental health?  And who might not be a healthy influence in their life?  We look for people who love them and are willing to support them while at the same time not enabling them in any sinful or maladaptive behavior.  We look for people that are praying for them.

Mark’s account of the life of Jesus gives us an interesting look at what it means to be this kind of friend. Mark 2:3-5 reads:

“And they came, bringing to (Jesus) a paralytic carried by four men.  And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.  And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

In this story, the author doesn’t elaborate on the nature of these four friends’ faith.  Maybe they were all good Jews, perhaps they were new converts to this radical Rabbi Jesus, or maybe they were a mix of normal guys from a fishing village.  The text doesn’t explicitly tell us about their faith, but what is made explicit is that these four men cared deeply for the paralytic man.  They knew was that Jesus was performing miracles and their friend needed one.  But they couldn’t get in the door.  So what did these friends do?  The ESV states that they literally ripped the roof off the place.  

What I want to point out in this text is that it does not say that the paralytic man’s faith made him well but rather that Jesus saw the faith of his friends and forgave the man his sins and healed him.

Now sure you exegetes out there are thinking there are other things going on in this text that are important, but for the purposes of this post let’s think of the friends we surround ourselves with and how we serve as a friend to others.  Do we have friends around us that are willing to rip roofs off to get us closer to Jesus?  And are we willing to rip off roofs for our friends to get them closer to Jesus?  Sometimes we can’t just say we will pray for our friends; rather, we need to put some feet to our prayers.  

The ultimate miracle that Jesus performs for the world is that He forgives sin, and this was the ultimate miracle for this man not just that he regained the strength of his legs.  You wonder if Jesus was thinking of Psalm 103:3 when He forgave the man wondering if the religious leaders would remember the rest of the verse or just get hung up on their religiosity?  

You might conclude that you don’t have four good friends like that in your life and the thought of that void reveals a deep sense of loneliness within you.   If so, maybe you can take a step into someone else’s life to be a better friend.  Maybe not a “rip off the roof” friend just yet (we have to work up to that) but someone that is present in someone else’s life, with whom you learn to listen and not just talk about your problems as they talk about their own concerns.  Or maybe you simply say to the friends around you that you’ll be praying for them.  And then, when they need something later, you’ll be able to put more feet to your prayers and become one of their four friends.  And by becoming a friend like this to someone else, maybe you’ll find one of your four friends in your own life.