When Sleep Won't Come

Written by Day Marshall, LMHC (Senior Clinician)

Have you had those nights when sleep is evasive? When you shift in bed and adjust your pillow, throwing off or adding on layers of cover? Apart from general, good sleep hygiene practices such as keeping a regular sleep schedule, setting the tone for sleep with lighting and calming activities, sometimes it can feel like there is little to be done when our minds keep wandering once the lights go out. Based on what clients often tell me, I think that often the anxiety of not falling asleep is the primary culprit keeping us awake.

While there are numerous ways to help increase the ability to sleep, I want to introduce you to one method that is a favorite of mine.

Our brains are remarkably made and incredibly adaptive. Every sensation we experience, be it sound, sight, taste, smell or touch, is communicated to us by our brains. Therefore, if my brain is thinking about stressors, my body will naturally tense up and likely go into problem-solving or worry mode.  However, if I focus my mind on the most serene and relaxing environment I can imagine, my whole body begins to relax. Using anti-anxiety grounding techniques when lying in bed can provide relaxing, sleep-inducing benefits.

I like to begin with deep breathing; long, slow, full breaths and exhales. While I deep breathe, I begin to visualize myself in a relaxing place. I’ll share mine with you, but you’ll need to get your own because my place is relaxing because no one else is around for miles!  My serene place is a warm beach with pristine sands devoid of all bugs and the only human is me.  I lie on my back facing up toward the perfectly warm sun. I feel the gentle give of the sun warmed sand beneath my body. I can drag my fingers over it and dig my fingers into it and feel the cool under the surface. The gentle ocean breeze dances over my skin and I can feel it on my face and on my arms and legs. The trees around the beach quietly rustle their leaves in response to that wind, and there are myriad birds singing in chorus high in the trees. I listen to the waves coming in and going out; a gentle, reliable rhythm. I can taste the mixed sweet and tang of watermelon and pineapple. There is a crackling campfire burning in the near distance. I smell the wood burning as it mixes with the salt air. I am still deep breathing and taking in all the sensory wonders of the beach serenity. If my mind begins to pull away to a worry or stressor, I gently but firmly draw it back to the sensory experience of the beach. The smells, the sounds, the sights, the feel and the tastes of my beach retreat become weightier than the worries and stress that it lulled away. In the midst of all of this, sleep generally comes quietly.

Sleep well!

God is Here

Written by Heather Thornburg, MA (Clinician)

“The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Philippians 4:5b-6 ESV (italics added)

I could tell you that I love this verse, but I would be lying.  Mostly, I find this verse confusing – how in the world do I “not be anxious about anything?” Especially right now?  In 2021…that followed 2020?

Life in a fallen, broken world can easily produce anxiety, and this past year has really hit many of us hard.  Almost every single client that I see is experiencing anxiety symptoms to one degree or another.  And in truth, it impacts me as well.  Anxiety symptoms appear in different ways.  Physically, we can have muscle tension, nausea, hot or cold sweats, headaches, shortness of breath or tightness in our chest.  Emotionally, we can become easily irritated, easily startled, tearful, impatient.  Mentally, we can have difficulty focusing, become spacey, or have intrusive or racing thoughts.  This is not an exhaustive list, but whatever symptoms we experience can be difficult to live with.  So, what can we do?

Believe or not, managing anxiety can begin with some relatively simple steps.

1.      Breathe – Seems too simple, right?  But anxiety can cause us to hold our breath or breathe shallowly and rapidly, and this can make our symptoms worse.  Instead, take five minutes to do some deep breathing.  Breathe slowly in through your nose for a count of 4-6, hold your breath for a count of 4-6, then breathe slowly out through your mouth for a count of 6-8.  Repeat.  Deep breathing reverses the anxiety response and signals your brain to begin calming the body (from TherapistAid.com).

2.      Ground – Do you find yourself worrying about things that haven’t happened yet?  If your thoughts have a repeated refrain of “what if…” then you are.  The future hasn’t happened yet; it doesn’t exist.  The present moment is real, and grounding yourself in it will help you step back from the tyranny of your thoughts.  Look around you - what do you see?  What do you hear?  What do you smell, taste, feel?  Take it in slowly and deeply.  Describe your surroundings to yourself; notice your feelings.  Pause, and let yourself be present in the moment.  Breathe a thank you to God for something in your surroundings.  By the time you’ve done all this, the “what ifs” shouting in your brain will have quieted down and given you the space and the strength to choose your next thoughts, to speak the truth about who holds your future.

3.      Prayer – Do you ever get caught in a thought loop about things that worry you?  Racing thoughts or thinking about the same things over and over are frequent responses to anxiety.  These thoughts can also be some of the most difficult anxiety symptoms to address.  When you experience this, immediately turn your thoughts to prayer. Don’t necessarily try to change the content, just begin directing your thoughts to Jesus.  It looks something like this.  I think, “I have this blog to write, and it’s my first one.  What if people don’t like it and think it sounds dumb?  What if my colleagues don’t like it?  Will it be professional enough?  Is my writing up to par?” …and we’re off to the races.  Now switch to prayer.  “Jesus, I have this blog to write and it’s my first one.  God, what if people don’t like it and think it sounds dumb?”  …etc., etc.  In the first example, my thoughts are spinning inside of myself with nowhere to go, and I don’t have the power to do anything about them.  In the second example, I have directed my thoughts up and outside of myself to one who loves me and created me.  To one who has the power to encourage and direct me, and provide some objectivity. 

To return to our verse, yes, Paul tells us “do not be anxious about anything”, but before he does so, he reminds us that “the Lord is at hand.” God, himself, is the reason we have hope to overcome our anxiety. When you feel a tension headache coming on, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself, “God is here.” When you’re lying in bed and can’t stop thinking, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself “God is here.” When your irritated and don’t know why, rest your hand on your chest and remind yourself, “God is here.” Whether you feel him or not, God is here!

Take Notice

Written by Beth Waterman, MA (Clinician)

Today, as I was taking my midday walk, I began to think about the changing seasons that I’ve been privy to witness in my neighborhood in a unique way this season. I’d like to think that I’m spontaneous, that I live life on the edge, but the truth is I like consistency. I walk the same route, by the same trees and homes nearly every day. But perhaps there is something beautiful about this now familiar path I walk in hopes of breaking up my day. I notice things. I breathe. I leave my phone behind, and I focus on the present moment. I pray, sometimes. These are the very things I find myself inviting those whom I work with to do: “notice your breath, notice what’s happening in your body, notice what might need your attention right now…” The very prompts I offer, I have been walking out. Admittedly, not even on purpose most days.

But through these urban hikes I’ve noticed the same old trees changing from bare and bald and snow covered, to budding and growing and coming alive, to full and green and vibrant, to deepening hues of yellows and reds, to suddenly crunchy, slippery and piled up under my feet. Today I noticed again that the seasons are changing before us.  And in our lives, at least in my life, I have often packed my days, my seasons, so full, that I barely have time to look around me. I barely even breathe, let alone take a midday walk to notice the trees in their constant state of dressing and undressing.

I think about how God reminds us that he too takes notice - of us, of our process, of this profound time we all are walking through. I love Matthew chapters 6 and 10 which remind us that wildflowers and canaries do not go unnoticed to our loving Father, and neither so do our lives. As confusing, complicated, painful, or needy as they might feel. My hope is that I might keep leaning in to the process of expanding this space and willingness to notice what is around my daily world. And I hope that for you too, that you might be able to step outside for a moment and breathe in the crisp air, stomp through a pile or two of crispy old leaves, and let yourself take notice of the world around you. And for a moment, maybe we all can join the wildflowers and the sparrows in knowing we’re not holding any of it alone.

Anxiety and Faith

Written by Day Marshall, LMHC (Senior Clinician)

Anxiety is one of the most common reasons people enter a therapeutic setting. The symptoms of anxiety can be as varied as the individuals it affects, but generally, it shows up as jumbled, racing thoughts of worry and negativity about self or others, resulting in an impaired ability to focus, process options, problem solve, or make decisions. Anxiety often manifests physically as sweaty palms, increased heart rate, lightheadedness, and either lack of purposeful motion or excessive activity.

At times, Christians who come to counseling with a hope to resolve anxiety can express a sense of failure or disappointment in their walk with God. There is a belief that their anxious thoughts and feelings are somehow related to a lack of faith or ability to rest in God’s goodness. And though resting in God plays a part in the management of anxiety, it is often relieving for clients to recognize that anxiety is very often closely related to values, beliefs and coping strategies established in early childhood, usually long before a comprehensive understanding of God is formed. This means that learning how to apply faith and God’s truths to anxiety responses can take some coaching and skills building: learning proper application of God’s healing balm, if you will.

Since many neurological pathways are solidly established for anxious responses early in life, it is helpful to have the capacity to apply critical thinking and reason to practical skills building in order to carve new pathways for responding to stressors. Faith and God’s truth can be powerful components in establishing these new responses. For example, applying Scripture and God’s promises during grounding and self-soothing techniques can often be very effective at mitigating the impacts of anxiety. One possible application of this is the practice of breathing in deeply while thinking, “He is my refuge” or “Rest for the weary”, and then visualizing breathing out worry and fear.

Rather than experiencing guilt or a sense of failure, those with anxiety can be encouraged that peace and rest for the anxious mind is closely related to learning how to apply the healing balm of God to those affected areas.