When to Start Therapy

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC CMHIMP (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

"I’ve been thinking of coming to therapy for the past year or so."

"I’ve always wanted to try therapy but thought 'there are people that have it worse than me'."

Statements like these are often some of the first things clients say to me in session. By the time they make it in, many feel at a breaking point amidst crisis, wishing they had sought therapy sooner. Others feel like they shouldn’t 'take' a session away from someone else who 'has it worse.' Out of these conversations I have realized there is often a misconception about when it is best to start therapy and who therapy is for.

Many clients reach out for therapy when they feel they can no longer function or in response to concerns of friends and family. While these are certainly appropriate times to seek therapy, they are not the only time. In fact, reaching out for help before you get to this point can help potentially avoid a crisis. Reaching out when you feel like you have a lot going on or when you are running out of resources can be a way to start the process of addressing stressors and developing new ways to manage them. When you can’t talk to anyone else or are starting to feel hopeless or lonely, therapy can help navigate the process of creating change. Often the first cues are difficulty with regulating your emotions, changes in performance at work or school, and disruptions in basic functions like sleep or appetite. All may be good indicators that therapy could be helpful, a space to talk through what is going on and identify ways to positively manage stressors. Therapy can be preventative to help address what is going on before you get to the breaking point. 

That being said, seeking therapy doesn’t always have to correlate with distress. Many utilize therapy to learn more about themselves. This can involve processing their upbringing or becoming more aware of their own emotional triggers. For others, therapy can help with personal and emotional development to have better relationships with others. For still others it can be a way to maintain mental and emotional health and in turn manage stressful events or triggers as they arise. These, and many more, are all legitimate reasons to engage in therapy. 

So, do you find yourself resonating with any of this? Are you interested in therapy? What’s preventing you? Are you waiting for things to get worse before you reach out? Right now could be the best time to take the first steps.

The Importance of Friends

Written by Dan Brown, MA (Director of Operations, Senior Clinician)

As a follower of Christ, I don’t know what I would do without my Christian and non-Christian friends alike.  These are people with whom I can share small moments like a kid’s birthday or big moments like the passing of a family member.  I need them in my life to share these moments, but I also need them in my life to point out my weak spots and to pray for me and my family.  

God did not design us to be alone.  The first thing in the Garden that was “not good” was that Adam was by himself.  He was alone.  God remedied that by giving him a companion.  

We need companions.  We need friends.  We need family members.  We need people even if we don’t always think we do.  Now, not all friends and family are helpful, but that will be a topic we cover in a future post.

From our chair in the counseling offices at Harbor, we are always curious to find out what natural supports a client has around them as well as any supports are not helpful.  Who in their life is positive to their mental health?  And who might not be a healthy influence in their life?  We look for people who love them and are willing to support them while at the same time not enabling them in any sinful or maladaptive behavior.  We look for people that are praying for them.

Mark’s account of the life of Jesus gives us an interesting look at what it means to be this kind of friend. Mark 2:3-5 reads:

“And they came, bringing to (Jesus) a paralytic carried by four men.  And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.  And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

In this story, the author doesn’t elaborate on the nature of these four friends’ faith.  Maybe they were all good Jews, perhaps they were new converts to this radical Rabbi Jesus, or maybe they were a mix of normal guys from a fishing village.  The text doesn’t explicitly tell us about their faith, but what is made explicit is that these four men cared deeply for the paralytic man.  They knew was that Jesus was performing miracles and their friend needed one.  But they couldn’t get in the door.  So what did these friends do?  The ESV states that they literally ripped the roof off the place.  

What I want to point out in this text is that it does not say that the paralytic man’s faith made him well but rather that Jesus saw the faith of his friends and forgave the man his sins and healed him.

Now sure you exegetes out there are thinking there are other things going on in this text that are important, but for the purposes of this post let’s think of the friends we surround ourselves with and how we serve as a friend to others.  Do we have friends around us that are willing to rip roofs off to get us closer to Jesus?  And are we willing to rip off roofs for our friends to get them closer to Jesus?  Sometimes we can’t just say we will pray for our friends; rather, we need to put some feet to our prayers.  

The ultimate miracle that Jesus performs for the world is that He forgives sin, and this was the ultimate miracle for this man not just that he regained the strength of his legs.  You wonder if Jesus was thinking of Psalm 103:3 when He forgave the man wondering if the religious leaders would remember the rest of the verse or just get hung up on their religiosity?  

You might conclude that you don’t have four good friends like that in your life and the thought of that void reveals a deep sense of loneliness within you.   If so, maybe you can take a step into someone else’s life to be a better friend.  Maybe not a “rip off the roof” friend just yet (we have to work up to that) but someone that is present in someone else’s life, with whom you learn to listen and not just talk about your problems as they talk about their own concerns.  Or maybe you simply say to the friends around you that you’ll be praying for them.  And then, when they need something later, you’ll be able to put more feet to your prayers and become one of their four friends.  And by becoming a friend like this to someone else, maybe you’ll find one of your four friends in your own life.