Our Identity and Calling (Part 2)

Written by Jane Song (Clinical Intern)

Who am I?

Who am I? What defines me? I pondered these questions over and over as I left my high paid job in the fashion industry, a job that took over my life and my identity. I lived with a constant need to respond to the beep of my phone.  Calls from suppliers, vendors, people I reported to, and those who reported to me. I recall those days starting with running around early morning trying to find a taxi, rushing to the train station from Hong Kong to China for an 8-hour meeting, and then rushing back home to get ready for a flight to Rome to meet with my team in Europe. My phone kept on beeping; my to-do list was never-ending. I was never fully present anywhere, as I was always running late somewhere.  I was swept into this lie that if I kept myself busy, I was desired and I was adding value. I lived under an illusion that I was busy fulfilling a purpose, but a purpose that I was never able to attain.

The Burst of my Bubble

As I rode back on the train from Guangzhou, China back to Hong Kong for the last time, leaving my stressful job behind, I felt empty.  All of a sudden, something died inside of me. The phone calls, to-do-lists, and demands all stopped. I had nowhere to be, no one to meet. I no longer had to put on a show to prove myself, to impress someone, to make a sale, or to make any decisions. For the first time in my life, I was confronted with a harsh reality. Who am I really?  What defines me? My career in the fashion industry had overtaken my identity. It suddenly dawned on me that when our vocation defines who we are, we need a correction in life.

The Birth of My Identity

We are never what we do. We are called to be God’s children. Our vocation is birthed from a passion that God deposited into our hearts. When that passion is sparked with the right job, a flame of fire is ignited. Four years after leaving the fashion industry and recently graduating from seminary, I am realizing that my identity is complex yet simple at the same time. I am foremost a child of God, His beloved daughter. I no longer need to prove my worth to the world by doing things. I know I am loved because God gave his one and only son so that I could be with him for eternity. I am also a daughter, a sister, a trusted friend to many who have seen the best and the worst of me. I am loved. Because I am loved, I can love others. The flame of fire ignited in my heart was when I first sat in front of clients, seeing how God moved and healed their lives through my presence. I know I have found my vocational calling - to be a healing agent for Jesus.

Who are you Today?

There might be more than one hat that you are wearing each day. Start your day asking God who He is calling you to be today, and make your best effort to step into the calling that God has for you. Psalm 139 tells us that all of our days were written in a book before we were born. Pray and ask God to help you to make the most of what God has prepared for you today. Our identity will be fortified by our daily choices. When we choose to be joyful, choose to love, choose to give, choose not to give up even though the very fiber of our being screams to give up. Each day, choose to be the best version of ourselves. It will all be worthwhile.

The Struggle of Love

Written by Megan Farcas, LMHC CMHIMP (Clinical Supervisor, Senior Clinician)

"Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like 'struggle.' To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now—and to go on caring even through times that may bring us pain." — Fred Rogers

Over the years the topic of love is a constant theme in sessions with clients and conversations in my own personal life. Across relationships—innate (such as parents, siblings, family) and 'chosen' (spouses, friends, children, etc.)—we have all faced some sort of hurt or disappointment. Questions arise along the lines of "what does it look like to love someone who has disappointed me?" or "how can I love them if we disagree on so much?" In reflecting on love, I appreciate the above quote by Fred Rogers as it outlines the difficulty that loving another sometimes presents. At times the person we love may bring us pain, disappointment, dismay. Love is choosing to continue in caring amidst the difficulty and remain intentionally present. 

In society and media love is often depicted as a feeling or epiphany. Yet in reality love is a choice—and not a one time choice; it is a daily, persistent choice. In his book Our Father Abraham, Marv Wilson identifies love as "a person’s good word to stick with someone, to make that relationship work; It was not merely a warm sensation" (p. 202). Love is a commitment to caring for another person who is just as imperfect as you are. A commitment that requires hard work when difficulty arises. Love means forgiving when hurtful mistakes are made. It often requires a level of sacrifice to self for the good of the other person and the good of the relationship. 

As you read through this, are certain relationships coming to mind? A recent argument with your spouse? Unresolved tension with your mother? Frustrations with your roommate that you struggle to let go of? Below are some ideas of ways to put love in action amidst difficulty:

Learn to appreciate differences in the other person  

You may not always see eye to eye but is that always a bad thing? Sometimes differences can lead to a better perspective.

Letting go of the little things

Not every frustration needs to lead to a blow out. Is it possible to let go of some of the resentments you may be holding? What might it look like to love the person past the 'little things' that led to the anger? 

Forgiveness

Practicing forgiveness allows us and the other person to try to move forward. It provides a reset to bring ourselves back to the focus of love as a choice.

Apologize 

Back to the notion of self sacrifice in loving another, apologizing can often help create a bridge towards reconnection.

The utmost picture of sacrificial love is what we see in the life and death of Jesus. He loved despite not always receiving love back, providing the ultimate sacrifice of love for the good of us all. May we strive to better understand the struggle of love and remind ourselves that love is a constant choice. 

In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8)