Written by Jane Song (Clinical Intern)
Who am I?
Who am I? What defines me? I pondered these questions over and over as I left my high paid job in the fashion industry, a job that took over my life and my identity. I lived with a constant need to respond to the beep of my phone. Calls from suppliers, vendors, people I reported to, and those who reported to me. I recall those days starting with running around early morning trying to find a taxi, rushing to the train station from Hong Kong to China for an 8-hour meeting, and then rushing back home to get ready for a flight to Rome to meet with my team in Europe. My phone kept on beeping; my to-do list was never-ending. I was never fully present anywhere, as I was always running late somewhere. I was swept into this lie that if I kept myself busy, I was desired and I was adding value. I lived under an illusion that I was busy fulfilling a purpose, but a purpose that I was never able to attain.
The Burst of my Bubble
As I rode back on the train from Guangzhou, China back to Hong Kong for the last time, leaving my stressful job behind, I felt empty. All of a sudden, something died inside of me. The phone calls, to-do-lists, and demands all stopped. I had nowhere to be, no one to meet. I no longer had to put on a show to prove myself, to impress someone, to make a sale, or to make any decisions. For the first time in my life, I was confronted with a harsh reality. Who am I really? What defines me? My career in the fashion industry had overtaken my identity. It suddenly dawned on me that when our vocation defines who we are, we need a correction in life.
The Birth of My Identity
We are never what we do. We are called to be God’s children. Our vocation is birthed from a passion that God deposited into our hearts. When that passion is sparked with the right job, a flame of fire is ignited. Four years after leaving the fashion industry and recently graduating from seminary, I am realizing that my identity is complex yet simple at the same time. I am foremost a child of God, His beloved daughter. I no longer need to prove my worth to the world by doing things. I know I am loved because God gave his one and only son so that I could be with him for eternity. I am also a daughter, a sister, a trusted friend to many who have seen the best and the worst of me. I am loved. Because I am loved, I can love others. The flame of fire ignited in my heart was when I first sat in front of clients, seeing how God moved and healed their lives through my presence. I know I have found my vocational calling - to be a healing agent for Jesus.
Who are you Today?
There might be more than one hat that you are wearing each day. Start your day asking God who He is calling you to be today, and make your best effort to step into the calling that God has for you. Psalm 139 tells us that all of our days were written in a book before we were born. Pray and ask God to help you to make the most of what God has prepared for you today. Our identity will be fortified by our daily choices. When we choose to be joyful, choose to love, choose to give, choose not to give up even though the very fiber of our being screams to give up. Each day, choose to be the best version of ourselves. It will all be worthwhile.